April Fool.

It started in ancient Rome by accident. The king passed a new decree that henceforth the year would begin from 1st January, and not on 1st April as the prevalent custom was. Since his was a large kingdom, and the telephone had not been invented yet, it took time for the whole kingdom to get to know of this change. This resulted in half the people celebrating New Year’s Day on 1st January, and the other half on 1st April. As it is human nature to make fun of other’s mistakes, the ones who celebrated on the right day ridiculed the other half, and called them April Fools. And since then year after year, the practice continues worldwide, making it a tradition of sorts that every year on 1st April, someone has to become an April Fool. Since people don’t become fools by them selves, the others - who are working with the sole purpose of keeping old traditions alive of course - go out and make a few April Fools every year.

This year, I was one of them. No, not the one concerned about dying traditions. I am usually one of those every year. But this year I became a target of someone who was highly concerned about the dying traditions. I am not dumb. I know I can draw up a list of people who can argue otherwise but trust me: I am not dumb. I am just a naïve, innocent, sentimental fool. And of course, this coupled with the fact that he did all this a good 15 days before April Fool’s Day, justifies the entire deal of me falling for it. I mean, come on. You don’t expect someone to make an April Fool out of you on the 15th of March, now do you? I don’t.

But I should have seen it coming. The person, who it came from, coupled with the atrociousness of his story: I should have seen it coming. I did not believe him for sometime initially, but he was convincing. Very convincing. All I can say now is that is was a good one. And that I fell for it.

But Rajeev, now that you are not going back home to Jamshedpur, and are obviously here in Mumbai, you’d better watch out dude. Because revenge is something I highly believe in. And we can’t let the traditions die just like that…hai na?

Happy April Fool’s Day!
(In advance)

Until next time…

Haan chal tata...

Rajeev called me yesterday from Jamshedpur, his home, where he had gone to celebrate holi.
“Achcha sun… hum vapas nahin aa rahen hai... Tumhari mumbai nahin pasand ayi humein… ghar pe aaram se rahenge…”
For a good amount of time, I couldn’t believe him. I mean Rajeev being Rajeev; you can’t afford to believe everything he says the first time. He just loves to kid around. Then, when he finally managed to convince me, I was actually speechless. And me being speechless is a big thing, for I always have something to say, whatever the situation. What hit me the most, was not that I’d not be seeing Rajeev for a long long time, maybe never, but that this is life.
Uncertain.
Sudden.
Unpredictable.
You are going about your normal routine, believing that everything is going to happen the way it’s supposed to, and suddenly in one instant everything changes. One phone call, one e-mail, one sms, one anything is enough to change everything. And you can’t do anything about it. You are just informed of the change, and you have to adjust your entire life according to it. Here I was, expecting him back in a week, thinking that once he’s back we’d meet up and chill for we hadn’t done that in a long time, and suddenly, he calls and says he’s not coming back.
Ever.
Agreed that even though we were in the same city, we hardly met up and all, and were in touch via phone only. But now that I know he’s not here, and not coming back, it feels like somehow something is amiss. What, I don’t know.
I know I’m sounding highly senti and all, and that we will keep in touch via email or phone, but I still can’t adjust to the fact that I’m mostly never ever going to get to see him again.
He taught me lot of things, some deeply philosophical, and most highly stupid. The maximum I picked up from him was his way of speaking. Highly Bihari, is how he refers to it.
“Arre load nahin hai…” in Bombay language means ‘just chill!’
“Sahi hai…” means ‘you are talking utter rubbish!’
“Highly…” is used to stress on whatever follows it. You know, like damn cold or damn funny…he would say highly cold or highly funny.
“Hum bolne se authoritative sound karta hai…” he would say when I would tell him that hum refers to more than one person.
“Angrezi mein na bolo bhai… identity crisis ho jati hai!” when I would start blabbering in English, which he knows very well but for some odd reason does not like to use.
There were many more such fundaas of his that I will never forget.
“Apne aap ka bohat high opinion hai humara…kisi aur ko ho na ho… samjhe?”
And “Bah! Kardi na choti baat…” is my absolute favorite.

Rajeev, you may not miss Mumbai, but Mumbai will definitely miss you. You are one of my favorite brothers, from all those that I have made.

“Haan chal tata…phone-vone kardena galti se kabhi…”

untill next time…

Bozo

I've tried my hand at humour again. A short story, that took a long time to complete.

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Bozo

I ran from the station to my office, which was like a good 10 minutes away. Shit! I was late. Again. Even though it was still February, the summers were already here. Sweat poured down my back making me even more irritated. Bozo had indicated just yesterday that I was making a habit of coming late. Shit shit shit! When I entered the office building, a blast of the cool A.C. air hit me, making me feel slightly better. I hurried to my cubicle, praying feverishly that Bozo wasn’t on his seat.

For those of you who haven’t figured it out yet – I call my boss Bozo. Why? Have patience, you’ll find out soon.

Phew! He wasn’t on his seat. His bag was also not to be seen anywhere, which meant that he hadn’t come in yet. I quickly booted my machine, opened a lot of screens, and made it look like I was busy working for a long time. After gulping the usual cup of the brownish liquid that the canteen boy insisted on calling coffee, I actually set to work. I had a lot of work piled up, and not because I wasn’t working – trust me I was working my butt off – it was because Bozo expected me to work at superhuman speed, and hence gave me a lot of work. He himself didn’t do anything, and somehow that didn’t seem to bother him. He never worked because honestly, he didn’t know how to do anything. For the smallest of things he would require my help. The only thing he knew how to do, and very well that too, was to say “Oh my God!” Whatever the situation, he would always say that.

“Good morning! Oh my God… you’re working huh? Good… “ I looked up to find him flustered and sweating and panting.
Excuse me! What do you know about working? Have you ever worked in your entire life? Idiot…
“Good morning sir…” I forced a smile and said.
Bloody fool.
I got back to work, and soon was completely engrossed in this really interesting issue that needed to be resolved urgently – everything in this office by the way needs to be resolved urgently- when Bozo called out to me.
“Hey you…”
I have a name u oaf.
“Yes sir?” I said.
“Now look… I have two different files in two different windows in notepad. How do I merge the them and make a third file”?
I wish I could make two of you and throw each of you on two different planets.
“Ummm… you er... copy each of them and paste them in a new file…” I said.
“Ah… Yes…” He said, dismissing me and getting back to whatever he was doing.
Grrrrrr…
“You’re welcome…” I mumbled to myself and got back to work.

The day passed by slowly but steadily. He hadn’t bothered me after that atrocious question, and trust me I wasn’t complaining. Somewhere in the afternoon, I heard a weird sound. It sounded like a cat stuck somewhere. I ignored it once, but then I heard it again. This time it sounded more like a dog stuck somewhere. I got up to investigate, looking everywhere: under my cubicle, above my cubicle, outside the window, but I couldn’t find the source of the sound. The sound, by then had intensified in volume, and maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed to have intensified in urgency also. All sorts of thoughts ran through my head, where I imagined a poor cat/dog/helpless-animal stuck is a small rut somewhere. I would rescue it lovingly, and well I’d see then what to do of it. I was jolted out of my reverie by another instance of the weird sound. This time it sounded more like a lion was stuck somewhere.

I’m coming sweetie… hold on!

I moved in the direction of Bozo’s desk as the last time I heard the sound, it sounded like it was coming from somewhere there. Maybe Bozo had kidnapped some cat/dog/helpless-animal. It would be even more fun to embarrass Bozo, not that he got embarrassed anyways. I was looking under his desk to see if the cat/dog/helpless-animal was there when I heard it again.
That’s weird, I thought. It’s coming from above the desk.

“Excuse me sir…” I started speaking and stopped. Bozo was fast asleep. He must have been reading some document on the computer, and dozed off. My dreams of rescuing the cat/dog/helpless-animal went flying out of the window. His lips contorted, and phhhrrrrrhhhhh! he snored again. Out of all sounds in the world, it was the sound of Bozo snoring. Snoring! But I wasn’t all that off the mark. Agreed he wasn’t helpless but he surely resembled an animal. And a really dumb animal that too! I looked at him closely, taking in his chubby cheeks, receding hairline and snoring lips and almost burst out laughing. Small beads of sweat covered his upper lip, and there was a speck of food at the corner of his mouth. Yuck!

I looked around. There were not many people in office. It was just after lunch, and most people had not returned. Now is the time to get my revenge from him, I thought. Revenge for all the stupid questions he asked, for all the impossible deadlines he set, for just being Bozo. After racking my brains I quickly formed a plan of action. I filled a glass up to the brim with chilled water from the cooler, and placed it next to his hand on which his head was resting. Then, I spilled some more water around his chair. After removing the paperweight, which was kept on a bunch of papers on the desk, I went and sat in my place. Satisfied that everything was in place, I looked around one last time, and then shouted with all my might-
“Bozo!!!”

Bozo awoke with a start, causing his hand to hit the glass of water that I had kept there. The glass fell on the table making the water spill on the desk and on him. He yelped as the cold water fell on him, and immediately got up from his chair trying to move away from the desk. The moment he stepped away, he slipped on the water that was on the floor, landing with a thud on his rather big butts. I leaned over and switched on the fan, which made all the papers fly about everywhere. He got up hurriedly and tried to gather the wet papers before they flew away.

“What the hell just happened here?” he asked, coming over to my cubicle.
I removed the earphones from my ears and said, “Pardon me?”
“I said what happened? What was that loud noise?”
“There was a noise?” I asked feigning innocence, “I must have not heard it because of the earphones…”
He grunted and walked away.

The next day, the entire office was abuzz with a certain kind of excitement. There was a crowd near the notice board. Bozo walked towards it, presumably wondering what the fuss was about. He went till the notice board, and looked there to find an A-4 size picture of his very big and wet backside, bending over to pick up the wet papers. A caption below the picture read – “Office Stress - OH MY GOD!” His face was not visible in the picture, and that’s what the entire fuss was about. The entire office was wondering who this fool was!

I sat at my desk, smiling to myself as I saw the look on Bozo’s face as he walked back to his desk. He had obviously recognized the photograph, and for once was clearly embarrassed. When he had bend down to pick up a bunch of papers, I had clicked the snap with the camera in my latest state-of-the-art cell phone. I heard his “Oh my God…Oh my God… Oh my God!” and so I asked him,
“What happened sir? What’s the fuss about?”
“Oh nothing… er... some stupid fool got caught on camera with his pants wet! Nobody knows who it is… Oh my God! It’s unbelievable…" His face was a clear picture of embarrassment."Who could have... well lets get back to work… we shouldn’t waste our time on such silly things!”

I smiled, satisfied that I had at least embarrassed him a bit, when he called out to me again.
“Hey you…the thing is that I don’t understand how this is done… if you could come here and do it…”
Oh my God! Help!!
“Yes sir…”

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Hope that got a few chuckles out of you!

untill next time...

Decisions.

Life.

What you become in life...
Depends on what you choose....
Whether you face every challenge...
Or simply refuse.

It's a strange thing, this life. It offers you so many choices at one point of time, and at another takes all matters out of your hand and leaves you reeling in the aftershocks. At every point in life, or rather at every milestone like after your 10th grade exams, after your higher secondary exams, after your graduation, you are left wondering which one of the zillion options available is best suited for you. How are you supposed to know, I don't know; but you're supposed to know. Never mind that you don't know one option from another, and to you all have equal probabilities of success or failure. Never mind that you've never had experience with anyone of them. Never mind at all.

The only thing that you can do in this kind of situation is think till you have exhausted your brains out, discuss with your family and friends till they are ready to either pull your hair out or theirs (preferably yours, because after all there is a limit to everything), and then out of frustration and confusion choose the option that looks the least intimidating. At least for now. And yes... don't forget to pray that you don't live to regret this decision that has been taken so painfully, to say the least.

Or you could just not think so much, and life take it's course, which it will do anyways. Let it happen, whatever it is. Because it will happen, no matter what you do or how hard you try for it not to happen. Somethings are just meant ot hapen. And they do.

And then just like that, when everything is going smoothly, when you are settling in with the decision you have taken, life throws a lurch at you. Whether you are prepared to catch it or no: not considered. Whether you are prepared for the consequences it begets: not considered. You just have to accept the reality and move on. How ironical. When you didn't want choices you got them. And not one or two. No ways. Why make your job easier? You got a zillion choices. And now when you willingly want a choice, a chance to change, if not avoid the circumstances, you don't get it. Strange isn't it?
But then, that my friend is what they call life. And as the first few lines mention, it's all about rising to the occasion. It's all about making a decision when you get an opportunity and accepting a decision that has been made for you. It's about facing each and every challenge that is given to you with equal vigor and gusto and zeal that is required to conquer it. And when you understand this... you will understand the meaning of the most complicated word in the English dictionary-
LIFE.

untill next time...