Tum...

I don't do hindi...but somehow i did this one, and by god..it's good!
i wish that one day i find someone who dedicates this to me and means each and every line of it from the bottom of his heart.
and yeah devvya...someone someday will dedicate this to you too...
when you least expect it, you will fall in love... i promise you that.

Tum

dil ki ek aarzoo ho tum,
dil ki ek justajoo ho tum.
khwaab ho yaan koi haqikat ho,
jo bhi ho meri zindagi ho tum.

andheri raat ki chandni ho tum,
subah ki pehli kiran ho tum.
pari ho yaan koi hoor ho,
jo bhi ho bohat khoobsurat ho tum.

behte huae jharne ka paani ho tum,
thandi hawa ka jhonka ho tum.
paas ho yaan koi hazaron meel door ho,
jo bhi ho hamesha dil ke kareeb ho tum.

gulab ke phool ki khushboo ho tum,
resham ke roomal ka ehsaas ho tum.
din ke ujale mein ho yaan koi andheri raat mein ho,
jo bhi meri har saans mein ho tum.

mor ke pankh ki narmi ho tum,
kashmir ke sooraj ki garmi ho tum.
chulbuli ho yaan kabhi gumsum ho,
jo bhi ho, ek paheli ho tum.



it's beautiful na! i know it is...
now all i have to do is find him!
:-D

untill next time...

Worth living.

For my last blog entry i got an anonymous comment that said that all those questions i had asked made life worth living, and that i should stop cribbing. well, whoever you are, this one's for you. Things that make life worth living: when you are tired and highly frustrated and the sweetest kid you've ever seen smiles at you in the train making you involuntarily smile back and feel (atleast for that moment) that everything is ok...that makes life worth living. when your mom makes hot and yummy gajar ka halwa for you because you're not having such a good day... that makes life worth living. when your dad gives you a good-morning bear-hug everyday without fail...that makes life worth living. when you can fight with your sister, tell her that you're never going to speak with her ever again in your life, and yet be laughing with her at the silliest joke after 5 minutes...that makes life worth living. when you can kick your sister in the middle of the night just because you want to...that makes life worth living. when the cutie you've been eyeing for a long time smiles at you...that makes life worth living. when you're down and upset and crying your heart out and your friend over the phone from another city who doesn't have balance in his cell says "please please dont cry... everything will be ok.." ...that makes life worth living. when you sit and chat about the stupidest(i know thats not a word but i sounds good) of things with your best friend and giggle about nothing in particular and still know that she doesn't think you're wacko...that makes life worth living. when 2 friends fight and you help them patch up...that makes life worth living. when you're in a mess and you think you're going to fall, but your friends stand behind you like solid pillars of strenght, refusing to let you fall...that makes life worth living. when your family loves you unconditionally for what and who you are...that makes life worth living. it's things like this that make life worth living. atleast mine. those questions are just that: questions. they popped in my head so i asked them. and yeah dude..it's my blog and i'm going to crib or do what i damn well want to. and you cant do anything about it! :-p "dont presume to tell me what i can or cant do...you dont even know me!" -- kate winslet in titanic. :-D untill next time...

Why?

why...?
Why does something someone say affect us so much?
why is it easier to cry than to smile?
why does someone's smile make our day?
why do people die?
why do friends fight?
why do we not get what we want?
why do we not get atleast what we deserve?
why do people judge us, and always draw wrong conclusions?
why is life so complicated?
why is it so that when we like someone, they dont like us back?
why is it so that when we don't like someone, they like us back?
why are things not what they appear to be?
why do people judge us by the people we move around with?
why cant people mind their own business?
why do we realise the value of something only after we have lost it?
why do we always loose only those things that we cherish the most?
why is trust the most easily breakable thing on this planet?
why are life altering decisions irrerversible?
why do we miss those people who really dont care a damn where we are?
why are there so many questions in my head?
why does no one have answers for these questions?
why...?

untill next time...

Traditions

Living in a metro city for most of my life, i haven't seen a lot of traditional traditions.
you know... the cutely senti ones that happen in almost every house in north india.
they happen in my dadu's house..
they happen in my nana's house..
and its only in these places, or well, in movies, that i get to be a part of them.
it's not that we don't like to be traditional.
its just that we dont have the time to be traditional.
this i think is one of the major drawbacks of a nuclear family.
the children loose out on their traditions, on their culture, on something that is their basic right.

we went to a rajasthani mela today, the full family,(which is pretty much just the four of us...)
there was this dance being performed there..very typically rajasthani..forgot the name (shame on me) in which a woman was balancing about 8 matka's on her head and dancing on a plate, and later on swords. i was obviously highly fascinated. and even more so, when mom told me that she too did this when she was young and in college etc!
imagine..and i didnt even know such type of an art existed. i got enthu and all and asked the name of the dance and some general trivia which mom and dad very happily supplied, only to come home and sit in front of the comp and realise that i've forgotten everything said to me. even the name of the dance.
shame on me.
and i say i'm from rajasthan.
double shame on me.

but u know... it's not my fault. out of the very litttle and precious time that i get to communicate with my family, which implies that all of us are at home together, which is a very rare thing, we have other more important things to discuss.
like when are we all free again.
like which movie should we go for when we all are free.
like where should we dinner after that.
like why i need more money.
like why karela is good for loosing wieght.
like why i shouldn't get my hair colored red.
like why i should get my hair colored red.
like... like.. like...

i dont know why, but i feel like saying to myself: "shame on me."

untill next time...

Time and again.

"Time heals everything".
or so they claim. but they forget one very important thing : your past always catches up with you.you face a given situation, when it hapens, because at that time, god knows from where you get this infinite ammount of tolerance power, which lets you accept anything, lets you deal with anything. you face it, fight it, struggle with it, and yet hold your head high no matter what.
and then, time moves on, you move on... you begin to live life normally, getting back to daily routines, getting back to what you used to call life...
suddenly, one day out of the blue, when you've almost completely forgotten that some sort of an inccident ever happened with you, it some how comes back and stares at you.
right in the face.
when you least expected it.
and this time: you're tired.
tired of facing it.
tired of fighting it.
tired of struggling with it.
tired of holding your head high and going on, no matter what.
just plain simple tired.
because that infinite ammout of tolerance power that you had, when all this mess originally began, has conviniently chosen his very second to run out on you.
so what do you do now?
do you give up, and ruin all the hard work you put in to deal with the situation, since it began?
do you break down, finally letting it get to you?
no.
NO.
you pull yourselves up, by the bootstraps, if necessary, and smile. or at least try to. it doesnt matter if you can't make it all the way. what matters is that you tried. and you have to do this time and again.
whenever the ugly monster raises its head and stares at you in the eye, stare right back.
without blinking.
without flinching.
you are tougher than the world thinks you to be. you know this for a fact. now show it to the world.
and always remember...
just because something is difficult, doesn't mean you shouldn't try. it means you should just try harder.

untill next time...

oh what a day!

we went for the tcs annual picnic yesterday to a water park. Shangrila water resort, off nasik-mumbai highway. a corny lookin place with an even cornier name.
it would not be wrong to say that we were skeptical. very very skeptical.
and then,it would be an understatement to say that what we got was exactly opposite to what we expected.
we expected : chaos, crowd, mis management, boredom, irritation etc etc...
we got : pure unadulterated fun!!
all of you people who didnt come for whatever reason missed out on something real nice!!
what began as a bus journey at an unearthly hour (6:30 am) soon became the best day of the year so far!
i wasnt that keen on going into the water but these amazingly gutsy people actually pushed me into the pool!
i got sweet sweet revenge by dunking each one of them in the water. ;-)
from playin with a football in the water to splashing water on each others face, untill the other one couldnt see anything..we did everything possible!
the best part was that some or the other "chot" kept happening with someone or the other.

nishant (was) was standing like his confused self, right where people land when they come down a slide, and he got pushed so badly..my stomach hurt i laughed so much!!!

and we didnt even leave poor shailesh..he didnt have a change of clothes and yet we threw him in the pool! at the end of the day he was a much cleaner shailesh..he doesnt have a bath everyday na....
hehehehheeeee...

played donkey football with naveen, santosh, and viv and most of the time, i was the donkey in the middle!

to cut a long story short, we were very apprehensive about the whole day, and abhi and i had actually decided in the bus that if we get even the itsy bitsy bored we'll leave and go home on our own.
but at the end when they announced that the buses were leaving, we actually didnt want to leave. where time flew, no one realised!

bottom line : things are not what you expect them to be, so give everything a chance!!

and yeah..a peice of sincere advice : the next time you go for a picnic, dont take responsibilty of someone else's football.. its very difficult to actually keep track of it!!

untill next time...

Banking

we had mr bum's boring banking class today. when i was studying engineering,i used to wonder why they teach us all this. today was like deja-vu. we were taught how to fill in a form.
how to fill in a form!!!!
oh for god's sake -- we're not commerce students! we can read a form and fill it by ourselves.
but the best part was -- people actually had doubts! i mean imagine -- doubts in how fill a f***ing form out of all things!!
:-/

what i learnt in mr-bum's-boring-banking-class:
(not surprisingly, none of it has anything even remotely related to banking!)

life has a way of catching you in its mesh in such a way, that after a point, you stop realising what you're doing. everything is such a routine.

for(i=1; i=infinity;i++)
{
get_up;
go_to_office;
get_really_frustrated;
come_back;
sleep;
}

and one day in this routine, you realise that you've left most of your life behind. you dont know whts happening in the world, whats happening in other people's lives..
friends..family..everyone has moved on, and suddenly you dont know much about people you used to know everything about. its then that you must take charge of the situation, take some time out, and get back into peoples lives. get people back in you life.
without people, nice people, life becomes monotonous. boring. un liveable (i dont know if this is a word o no..but u get the point..)
as someone famous once said -- "it's never too late, untill you're dead."

untill next time...

misunderstandings

met up with a friend yesterday, and we were just chillin and catchin up, when she told me about this misunderstanding that happened with her and another good friend of her's.
after hearing her full story, i got thinking about all this.

why do misunderstandings happen? and why do misunderstanding happen usually with people who are close to us and are supposed to be elements of subset which is titled "people who understand me"
why are we so apprehensive to approach someone with whom we have a misunderstanding, and clear it out?

maybe because we expect too much from people. especially from those who supposedly understand us. a small misunderstanding has sparked off cold wars that last lifetimes, and sometimes even generations. and when someone actually cares enough to find out the reason, it turns out to be so trivial and actually so down right stupid, that nothin can be done about it. the best thing to do is go and talk it out. point blank. because no misunderstanding is big enough to loose a good friend over. drop your ego, but keep your self respect. and please for god's sake, dont believe gossip that you hear..gossip is the product of a very very bored mind. and it acts like fuel-in-fire for a misunderstanding.
talk, fight, scream, abuse, beat him up.. do whatever u want to..but get your friend back.
because at the end of the day, its friends that make life liveable. specially the ones that are elements of the subset titled " people who understand me".
for these are the type, who are very hard to find, and absolutely impossible to replace.
scared of getting hurt?
stop expecting. anything. from anybody. that way you'll never get hurt. ever. we decide who gets to hurt us or insult us. so if we dont give someone the power, they cant hurt us. but just because someone hurt you once, doesn't mean that you stop talking to them out of the fear that they will hurt you again. everything in life is a risk.

aur life mein risk nahin liya to kya jiya!

so chick, go take that risk. soon. you never know what life will throw at you tomorrow, and when you might actually need this friend.
your friend might be waiting for you.

untill next time...

God's own country

God's own country - kerela.
that's where i was for about 45 days, towards the end of this last year, and maybe thats why, when i got up today, on the 1st of jan 2006, i missed that place really badly.
i can still close my eyes and feel the chill of the place, the damnpness in the air, the faint smell of coconuts and something else that i've never smelled before...
sometimes, even though i may physically be present in bombay, my mind is still in trivandrum, at ILP, TCS-TVM.
the memory of the day i was leaving, is still fresh in my mind, as if it were only yesterday.
it was the middle of the night, literally, and i think everyone i knew was there to see me off. lots of hugs and last words were exchanged, lots of tears (mine) were controlled, and then i was off.
saying a very sad good bye to the place which i really didnt want to come to in the first place. sayin an even sadder good bye to friends with whom i'd spent each and every day for the last 45 odd days. morning to night.

i fell in love there.
with the place, the people i met, the fun i had..with everyting. and the funniest part is that i never wanted to go there in the first place. i had cribbed so much in the initial 2 weeks there..untill i settled into the routine, and made lots and lots of wonderful friends.
the day, or rather night i left trivandrum, was the last time i saw most of these people. i know, for a fact that i'm never going to see all of them again. some of them maybe, but definately not all...

when i came back to bombay, everyone wanted to know how was trainig?
i used all adjectives posible: fun, amazing fun, too much fun, loved it, good, better than good, the best...
but still i could never ever convey to them exactly what it was, and what it meant to me. as swara said, "babe..i think we left a part of ourselves there..."
feels like i left my heart there...

so as i say good bye to 2005, i also say good bye to ILP...
which was not only the best thing that happened to me in 2005, but maybe one of those best things that happen to people, only once in a life time.

nagme hain, shikve hain...
kisse hain, baatein hain...
baatein bhool jati hai..
yaadein yaad aati hain...

untill next time...