Bitter-Sweet

Two years went by, and I didn't hear a damn footstep. Two years ago I came here, hopeful, dreams in my eyes and determination in my soul. Today, two years later I leave with dreams unfulfilled, but head held high, and determination intact.

I always knew this time would end. I also thought that I wouldn't regret its end, wouldn't be sad by it. But I was wrong. I am sad. I feel something but I don't understand why, for this place hasn't really given me much; not even a job which was the primary motive for coming here in the first place. I feel like I am leaving behind a part of me. Is it apprehension about leaving a way of life that has become a routine and going into a world of uncertainty, of no rules? I don't know. I don't think it's only that. I think that somewhere this place stole a small part of me. It stole it and hid it somewhere and even though I search desperately for it, I can't find it.

Looking back I see a presentation, like one of the many I have made here. The only difference is that this one is in my head and the slides consist of memories. Like photographs taken, freezing that moment for eternity. My interview. The first class. The first friend (pink!). The first fight. The worst professor. The best professor. Sleeping on the first bench (yes, I did!). The numerous presentations. The horriblest (word coined by me, it's just most horrible in one word) exams. The egos. The misunderstandings. The friends (yes, I did make them. Even after believing that after a certain age you can't make friends, I made friends here. Friends I will cherish, and miss. Friends I never thought I would make). The travelling. The bitching! The giggling. The timepass. The competition. The fighting. The bamboo trees behind Nescafe. The thawing in the sun. The freezing in class. The canteen tea. The station road paani poorie. The rides in the car till dadar station. The coming to college in a car on Sunday mornings. The late night classess. The early morning classess. The diet lunches. The sharing of the salad. The end.

The very expectedly abrupt end.

kahin to dil mein yaadon ki ek suli gad jaati hai,
kahin har ek tasveer bohat hi dhundhali padh jaati hai.
koi nayi duniya ke naye rangon mein khush rehta hai,
koi sab kuch paakar bhi ye mann hi mann kehta hai.
kehne ko saath apne ek duniya chalti hai,
par chup ke is dil mein tanhai pannti hai.
bas ya-aa-aad satth hai, teri ya-aa-aad saath hai.
teri ya-aa-aad saath hai.
main jahan rahoon, main kahin bhi hoon,
teri yaad saath hai.

How many of these people will remember me? How many of these people will I remember? When will we meet again? Will we all meet again, at the same time? Why am I feeling bad? Am I the only one feeling bad?

Whatever happens, I won't forget these two years. If nothing I'll have a lot of memories.

Bitter-sweet memories.

Until next time…